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To My Children

One week from today, my son will be born.  This has caused me to think about the things I would have my children know.  I want them to know the things of my heart and the things which are not my own to keep. This morning I listened to a devotional given by then Elder Dallin H. Oaks called "Weightier Matters".  From it, I gleaned some things are weightier or more important than others.  I believe learning is important but application is more important.  Doing a kind deed is a vehicle for showing love.  My body is important but it is merely a vehicle for me to experience, to grow, to learn, and to become. As much as any mortal person can know... I know Heavenly Father is real.  I know He loves me, personally.  I don't grasp how he is able to know and love each of us individually, I simply know it to be true. I know Jesus Christ lived.  I know he lived a perfect life, overcoming EVERY obstacle set before him.  I know Lucifer tried to deny h...
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Unachieved Goals

 "Unachieved goals don't have to result in unused gifts." -Cameron Hanes Endure It makes me laugh to think I copied down the above quote 7/3/2022 when I had the idea to write this post.  Then, I left it unfinished.  Seems ironic. There are many goals I have had in my life that have been left unachieved.  Some of the less significant ones include losing X amount of weight, making X amount of money in a given summer.  The more significant include giving up on becoming a neurosurgeon before even finishing my undergraduate, leaving grad school after a single day, and saving up to buy a house while I was still single. Some lessons have been learned along the way.  Some gifts have likely been unused as of yet.  I wonder what might have been.  I wonder where my life might have taken me.  I wonder where things went wrong and why. Let me be clear: I love my wife and I love my daughter.  I am thrilled/excited/proud to be welcoming a son in the com...
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The Beast Inside

I was still listening to Goggins on Joe Rogan today.  He kept talking about doing something every day that you don't want to do. I got my daughter tucked into bed and started picking up around the house.  I was listening and occasionally watching game 5 of the Stanley Cup Playoffs between the Avalanche and the Lightning. The thought of doing something hard before the end of the day kept coming back to my mind.  I didn't really think about what I might do.  Then, the thought to do 100 pushups came and I thought, "yeah, I could do that.  I don't want to but I could handle that." Remember, I'm 350+ lbs.  I thought 100 should be fairly easy.  I'll just do them in sets.  As I finished picking up, my mind told me, "It would be better to just go to sleep and get a good night's rest."  DAMN!  That was way to quick and easy for my brain to start giving in to laziness and comfort. Curl up in bed, fall asleep to a show, and wake up tomorrow morning...
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Natural Loser

 I'm in bed.  My wife is in Florida and my daughter is at my sister's having a sleepover with cousins. I just got done at the gym.  I worked shoulders tonight, swam 800 yards/meters (I don't know how the pool was built), and then sat in the sauna for 25 minutes. I checked the temperature of the sauna, it was 200 F.  I was listening to the Joe Rogan Experience, an interview with David Goggins.  He's a bad mother...but it sounds like he's earned every bit of his reputation. I tried pushing myself hard at the gym.  It felt good but I know I could have done more.  I'm trying to find a balance between pushing myself and what's comfortable.  Maybe we weren't meant to be comfortable. I've lived a comfortable life but that's what has gotten me here.  I'm 38 years old, 350+ lbs., I make a mediocre living, and I'm tired a lot. I feel that my default setting is "give up".  I constantly have to push myself just to accomplish anything.  Is t...
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It's Going to be a Grind

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There are a few things that motivate me to get in shape and lose weight.  The biggest motivator is our baby boy on the way.  I will be 56 or 57 years old by the time he is ready to graduate high school. I plan to be active and involved with him and his sports.  I want him to enjoy doing hard things.  I want him to understand that life is about becoming and not just achieving.  Achievements will come, for sure, as we strive to become the person we truly desire to be. My family (parents, siblings and families, and my own little family) are heading to Hawaii in July 2023.  Having a "beach body" would be nice.  However, what would be even better is having a body that allows for excursions, hiking, golfing etc. I can imagine what it will be like leading the pack on a grueling hike.  I can picture carrying my new boy (he'll be 10 months by then) on these hikes.  To do this, I need to be in better shape.  Better physical shape, better cardiovas...
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