Natural Loser

 I'm in bed.  My wife is in Florida and my daughter is at my sister's having a sleepover with cousins.

I just got done at the gym.  I worked shoulders tonight, swam 800 yards/meters (I don't know how the pool was built), and then sat in the sauna for 25 minutes.

I checked the temperature of the sauna, it was 200 F.  I was listening to the Joe Rogan Experience, an interview with David Goggins.  He's a bad mother...but it sounds like he's earned every bit of his reputation.

I tried pushing myself hard at the gym.  It felt good but I know I could have done more.  I'm trying to find a balance between pushing myself and what's comfortable.  Maybe we weren't meant to be comfortable.

I've lived a comfortable life but that's what has gotten me here.  I'm 38 years old, 350+ lbs., I make a mediocre living, and I'm tired a lot.

I feel that my default setting is "give up".  I constantly have to push myself just to accomplish anything.  Is that the key?  Is that how it is for everyone?

I enjoy working out but more than that I enjoy the results of working out.  I enjoy great food but I overindulge too frequently.

This week I have been more self-disciplined.  I have been intermittent fasting and following a fairly strict ketogenic diet.  I entered nutritional ketosis yesterday after 4 days.

After the gym tonight, I indulged at Del Taco but I kept it to a bare minimum...two tacos but only one tortilla.  I stayed within my calories for the day and my macros are Keto friendly, still.  I think it was 74% fat, 15% protein, and 11% carbs.  I'd like to be lower with the carbs but I chose otherwise tonight.

While in the sauna, thoughts came to my mind about being uncomfortable.  I thought about rejection and how I have shied away from it.  However, I looked over the past 2+ years of marriage (I also inherited and adopted a lovely little 3 year old, now 5).  The best times for growth have come after rejection.

I handle a situation with my wife or daughter.  Upon reflection, at times I reject my own behavior.  I resolve to be a better man and treat the situation differently next time.  My wife rejects some behavior, and I become better.  This rejection comes from a place of love.

What if "loving rejection" is the best way to become better?  What if we force ourselves to do a bunch of stuff we don't feel like doing and then reject what doesn't make us better?

Goggins talked about moving from motivation to drive.  We can be motivated in one minute and then lose that motivation in another.  Being driven is something different.  It takes patience.  He said he could "watch a piece of grass grow for 20 years."  Being able to watch something grow steadily is the only way to get anywhere in life.

Naturally, I default to quitting. I believe most of us do.  It's in the doing, the pushing, the working beyond our prior abilities where we become superheroes.  We're superheroes to our kids because we push ourselves beyond what is comfortable.  We wake in the middle of the night, we play when we don't feel like it, and we love them no matter what.

Let's do the same thing for ourselves.  Push past what is comfortable.  Tell your mind to shut the Hell up, I'm getting work done.